Lately there have been a number of things happening that kind of knocked the wind out of me.
Health wise I've not been in the best place. I mentioned a couple of issues I'd been going through. After that I came down with a few more bugs and ailments. I've also had to face up to long-standing dental-related issue I had been putting off for a while. Nothing life threatening but enough to put a little grey cloud over my head. Maybe it's aging or tiredness or just a touch of the winter blues. Whatever it is, it hasn't been a fun place to be in.
Furthermore, hubs and I have been having a series of money-related discussions. Partly due to him recently reading 'The Barefoot Investor'. It's not really a book I'm recommending or anything like that. There are a number of questionable points in the book. But it's definitely raised lots of areas to think and talk about together.
Money is often a touchy subject--especially for me. We've delved into many late night "intense discussions" on various points related to this subject. Honestly speaking, we've made some stupid and bad decisions in the past. And after many years I'm still very hung up over them. Maybe because of pride, shame or hurt. I have trouble letting go. So mentally and materially speaking, this has not been an ideal place for me lately either.
Because the truth is, I am a control freak.
In a good way for the most part.
I have systems, processes and routines in place. I like to put my best foot forward in my work. I aim to operate at my optimal best level at all times. I don't aspire to be a domestic goddess in a fancy house or anything like that. But I like to be effective in my role and in the things I do. I want to be strong. I want to be the kind of person who can take on anything.
So when I got knocked back and forced to operate at sub-optimum level, I was utterly miserable. It's not in me to just chug along or let things slide.
Then recently I caught up with some fellow school mums at various gatherings and birthday parties. They happened to share some of the issues they've been going through. Dealing with school bullying. Managing a wheelchair-bound disabled child. Learning their child has an autoimmune disorder. Divorce.
Everyone is fighting a battle in some way.
And I thought about all my hard knocks. And the bruises and scars I might still carry. I cannot compare them to others to try and be grateful that mine aren't as bad or anything like that. My burdens are my own.
Everyone falls down.
What matters is getting back up again.
(after watching this video again, I suddenly realise how much I relate to Princess Poppy from Trolls--she's a closet control freak too)