I can’t believe we made it – all three of us: the original two with our little plus one.
I used to think think going through labour was by far the hardest thing I ever had to do…. contractions, pushing, stretching, tearing (sometimes) – not pretty at all. Whenever other girls ask me about it, I’m always sorry for sharing too much when I see them wince and grimace. In truth, it isn’t an easy task. There were moments when I could barely think through the pain, and I almost believed I could not go on. But I had to, and I did. And at the end as I found myself staring into a pair of small curious eyes peering inquisitively up at me, I learnt that I had it in me all along.
And then I realised, all that was really not as hard as sleepless nights, midnight nursings, growth spurts, teething, and everything else that came together with the little bundle. There were moments when I felt it impossible to get out of bed again for the tenth time that night. But I had to, and I did. And as I found myself breathing in the smell of that little bundle nuzzling next to me, I learnt that ‘impossible’ had no meaning to someone who had complete and utter trust in me.
And then, just when I was getting a handle on stuff, that phase ended and I found myself facing another set of new challenges. Try cooking dinner, with a work deadline at the back of your mind, and a hungry baby cruising around at your feet, opening and closing drawers, oops –and almost banging a finger in one. But I had to finish cooking that dinner. And I had to feed that hungry and tired baby. And after bathing, nursing and putting that baby to sleep, I had to sit down and work on that deadline. And I did.
Before all that, I used to think facing exams was the hardest thing in the world. Then I started my first job, and then I found myself in the office on Sunday night working on an impossible task of finishing a report by Monday morning. And then I got married, and after the honeymoon, I thought I would absolutely explode at having to live with a person who saw things ‘that way’ (instead of ‘my way’).
It is an uphill journey all the way. And looking back, it wasn’t because the step before had become lower or easier. It was simply because I had grown stronger. I learnt that by grace, I can find the strength to take another step.
With that spirit, I’m taking a step forward into the new year. Bring on 2012!
P.S. If you’re holding back because of that looming fear of having your life turned upside down once you leave comfort or freedom behind to embrace a new era, be it independence, marriage, parenthood, singlehood… don’t. Once you’ve crossed over the other side, you’ll look back and wonder why you were so afraid of it all in the first place.