The heart does strange things. It really is possible to feel two completely opposite emotions at the exact same moment. In the split second when the joyful news was whispered to me, I felt a real and true genuine warmth and rejoicing (how can I not, because I can completely relate to the happiness and simple joy of just knowing that you carry a tiny little life inside you. It's absolutely amazing). And within the very same moment, I also felt a kind of pain... a very small one... like a stab of a needle right into that tender spot. But I know there is nothing I can change.
*Sigh* Well just with any declaration of hurt or pain made in a public space, one always needs to qualify such a statement. And this I firmly say with my hand on my heart: That I hold NO malice or jealousy or any hate whatsoever in hearing this news. So I beg you please not to read into this for more than what it is. But simply allow this woman to pour these thoughts out to find release and comfort.
So pleeeease don't hold back any good news to share with me, k? I still crave news of joy and happiness and soak it up as affirmation of God's enduring goodness and mercy! :) That is something I definitely need, ya? Just like David in 2 Samuel 12 who was not in denial of his son's death, although he was weeping through the night, joy comes in the morning...
...On the seventh day the child died.
David's servants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, "While the child was still living, we spoke to David but he would not listen to us. How can we tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate."
David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realised the child was dead. "Is the child dead?" he asked.
"Yes," they replied, "he is dead."
Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.
His servants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!"
He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again?"
"I will go to him, but he will not return to me."