Wednesday, August 05, 2015

The Same. Yet older.

So earlier this month, my youngest brother finally tied the knot. And after ten years, we finally took a sibling group photo together (the last time being at my own wedding).


NB: The long interval between my wedding and his is not in any way an indication of how old I am. It’s more likely an indication of how young I was when I walked down the aisle. Or maybe more likely an indication of how OLD my brother is at his wedding.


It’s a big thing trying to wrap my head around the fact that my youngest brother is now married. In the same way I felt at my other brother’s wedding, I am faced with yet another new dimension of this person I’ve known almost all my life I now have to reconcile with.

I still have the clearest images in my mind of him as a chubby, dimpled, bright-eyed little baby. I relished my big sister role with a baby brother to ‘mother’. I remember running after him, bowl and spoon in hand. feeding him rice porridge… reading story books out loud to him… trying to lift him up to carry him on my own (but not quite succeeding).

With the baby in the family now married off, it definitely marks a whole new era for our family. Almost like hearing the sound of the final thud of the door of our childhood shutting behind us.

We’re all grown up.

Sounds pretty heavy doesn’t it?

The truth is, it’s difficult to put a finger on the exact moment when the growing up happens.

I keep flipping up and down between the two images above.

Trying to pinpoint what and where the differences are.

We look the same. Yet different. Older--maybe.

But when did it happen? And how?

I asked my parents this question before:

“When you look in the mirror, do you actually feel older?”

And they tell me:

“I feel exactly the same inside as twenty, thirty years ago…”

That’s how I feel too. When I look at the person staring back at me in the mirror. I don’t really focus on how much more intelligent or prettier or capable that person is. I just see: me. Just me.

So as I look at this picture of my brothers and I, that’s what I see too.

Just us. Three.



  1. I think I can relate to what you are saying. About that getting older but feeling the same. I also feel the same way.

    I think I will get all melancholic when my baby sister gets married someday. I played the "mothering" part when I was a teenager and she was a baby. She annoyed me but I still love her haha (hope she is not reading this lol).

    Anyway congratulations to your brother, you all do look great even when you are older! :)

    1. Thanks so much Ayuni. I like knowing that someone else gets what I'm trying to say and can relate. I never had a little sister, but I feel you must share a really special relationship and bond with her. It will be a huge thing to witness her being married off one day.

  2. I am at work and this made me cry. I hope you're happy with yourself, Serene! >:(

    1. Aiyo... it's so touching to know a simple post of mine can move you like this. But I feel the same way about some of your posts too. I like reading bout the fun bits, but it's nice to read a few reflective ones as well to get a glimpse into each other's thoughts. Thank you Adriana.


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