Friday, August 23, 2013

Three things not to say

Three things not to say to a mother with a new baby (especially if you currently do not have a baby yourself)

#1. Baby sleeping (again)? Forever sleeping one! (you were not up with baby since 5.30am, the toddler since 7.00am, only managed to get baby to sleep at 8.00am, while everyone else slept until 8.30)

#2. How many times did baby wake up last night? My children all slept through the night since they were one month old! (tell me, how is that remark even remotely helpful?)

#3. Why don't you just pump your milk to feed baby? It will make your life so much easier! (have you ever even breastfed before?)

Remarks like that whether said directly or casually in passing will result in said mother crying alone in the middle of the night, when she has been up for two hours with a restless baby trying to figure out why her baby just will not sleep.

(End rant)

9 comments:

  1. add oil Serene! say a little prayer for you x

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    1. Thanks minmin. I really appreciate it!

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  2. dearest Serene, you are too gracious. i can think of so many more than three. =)

    for me, pumping hurt like drawing blood, only for the milk to be thrown away because the baby would not take the bottle. my children still do not sleep through the night. Hanan still cries once or twice every night, and he is three. and Khesed, he has been teething non-stop. he is currently on his fifth teeth. so between the two of them, and my own foolish habit of not sleeping when they are sleeping, i don't sleep much either.

    much love to you, dear friend. i prayed for you earlier today. i really do understand. this season is treacherous. May the Lord give you glimmers of joy here and there, enough for you to take courage and carry on.

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    1. You are even more gracious than I to hold it in.

      And yes, I absolutely loathe pumping milk. But in the end I did it faithfully every day because I wanted to give the best to Nathan (since I was able to).

      There are many glimmers of joy actually. Perhaps it's about time I shared some of them to shed some light in this seemingly dark tunnel I am going through. It really isn't ALL darkness actually.

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  3. I used to cry at night too when Matt would not sleep. I must say it was probably the most trying time for my faith, those lonely nights. Hang in there serene. Praying for you. This too shall pass. I found it helpful when i was resentful that I was up in the middle the night t think of the countless parents who were also up at the time. Misery likes company :) you are doing a good job serene. You are such a great mom.

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  4. Oh the anonymous commentor was me, Wini :)

    By the way, still waiting to hear why the social worker person paid you a visit

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    1. Thanks, Wini. Maybe it's a woman thing... to get emotional over what seems like 'nothing'. Maybe it's something that can only be understood mother-to-mother.

      I just posted the story of the social worker encounter we had. Such an 'adventure'. It ends somewhat anti-climaxially since we are in actual fact non-child-abusers.

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  5. I am not sure who are the people who made the comments. One has to see the context and circumstance when the comments were made. It was possible that the speakers were genuinely concerned but could not put it across correctly as he/she may not be able to read or gauge your thought. Try to think from another angle: he/she may be trying to spice up the gloomy situation and be candid about it. Be open minded. Try not to demonise what could have been just pure good intention!:) Love Dad

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    1. It is sometimes difficult to be even-headed through hurt. Yes, often hurt is never intended. But it is still painful to the recipient. Nevertheless, I will keep trying to keep a strong upper lip through the pain!

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