Saturday, February 06, 2010

Meaninglessness. Tiredness. Searching.

I caught up with a friend recently over lunch. We rambled on to each other about the usual things... work, family, holiday plans, spouses... lah de dah...

Then the conversation took a different turn.

He talked about realising how he had changed... the values that he clung to and the things that used to spur him on did not resonate with him the way they used to. I could relate to what he was saying, but I could not answer his question as to why we found it so.

Is it the things around us that have changed? Or is it us that have changed? Or... (worse still) is it because we find nothing around us has changed at all?

People are the same. Work is the same. Even church is the same. Sure, there are so many 'things' happening all the same. But the underlying essence of it all is still the same.

After our conversation, I essentially came away with this feeling:

Meaninglessness. Tiredness. Searching.

And I think it is not just us. I sense that this is the general feeling among many of our peers here. Is it a season we are just going through? Or is this becoming a permanent state?

During our conversation, he had asked me two questions:
"What made you decide to come here?"

"And do you find you are happier here?"
The first one question was easy enough... it was mostly circumstantial. But I hesitated a little at the second one. Because to answer it fully, I would already know the answer to the other big question at the back of my mind: "What does happiness mean to me?"

I answered him as truthfully as I could... that I was still finding the answer to the second question every day of my life.

I shared with him a phrase I had come across some time ago:

"Perhaps home is simply where you choose to let your heart
be at rest."

1 comment:

  1. I do share your thought that such Solomon's syndrome does occur in us throughout our lives.
    "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again;there is nothing new under the sun"
    Somehow, it is that "hope" whether you are conscious of it or not behind your head that drives you on.
    "Well, after this routine & mundane things, i will be with my gang for a good session of game!" "After this, I will have a reunion with so and so", "After this , I will see them grow and achieve their potential"...........


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