Thursday, September 18, 2008

Sometimes when I feel vulnerable

At present I'm feeling rather emotionally vulnerable. Maybe its just the physical tiredness... I don't know... But when I feel like this, somehow my thoughts drift back to my first real and direct experience wtih grief. I mentioned it in passing to a few people the other day, and they seemed to brush it aside. That hurt me a little. But maybe most people don't really know how to react or handle sad news. Happy news is always easily received. But sad things seem to bring about a lot of awkwardness or brushing aside.

This experience is still something very real to me. Unfortunately hubby and I had disagreements over this. Hubby sometimes gets frustrated and even angry with me over this. I think it is because he cares for me so much and is concerned that I am not healing or moving forward from this experience. And maybe to him, 'moving on' means that it is not necessary to think or talk about it anymore.

But I believe I am moving forward. What do you think? Is it possible to have accepted it and 'moved on' and yet sometimes still think back on the experience even with a little sadness?

Sigh.

Anyway, since I am in this reflective mood, I thought I'd share this message I received which really touched me. It was almost like receiving a letter from a guardian angel... (thank you Steph)

Hi Serene

I don't know you but one day I read your blog and read about your miscarriage.

Just wanted to say that I understand what you are going thru having gone thru it myself. It is a painful time so pls give yourself time to grieve. Don't force yourself to recover and don't force yourself to forget - dont belittle what you have gone thru. Give yourself time.

You will never forget the little life that was once in you, but know that you will get better :) What gives me some comfort and some hope is that I believe one day I will see the little ones in heaven.

My husband was angry with what happened, I was just tired and wanted to forget...But what was impt was that we stuck by each other and we sure grew much closer.

Did not mean to write so much :p Just wanted to say take care of yourself and know that God does love you :)

3 comments:

  1. It's the nature of women to ponder over things that are dear to their hearts. Even Mary, mother of Jesus 'pondered in her heart' over the prophesies about her son. However, we should make a conscious effort to put our griefs at Jesus's feet. Give thanks and tell yourself that God has healed you. No need to feel guilty.

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  2. Amen... thanks very much. This vulnerable/guilty comes and goes on an occasional basis... hopefully it will lessen over time :)

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  3. was commenting and as usual, got a bit long, so sent it to you as facebook message instead ;)

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