Sunday, April 29, 2007

Where is home?

This evening I checked my mail (as usual) and lo and behold, I received an e-card from mum and dad... surprise, surprise! For no special occasion (at least not that I can remember) but just a sweet card just to cheer me up I guess... so sweet of them, I confess I felt a little choked up and slightly teary when I saw this card...



The card came with some background music... Fur Elise... a familiar tune as it was one of the songs I used to play on the piano when I was a girl. Sigh... seems like it was so long ago because many times I feel that I am so far off from the carefree little girl I once was.

I wonder why my parents sent me this card. Okay, the obvious thing to do would be to call them and ask them myself... but I'm feeling sort of reflective tonight so let me have a crack at it...

Sometimes I feel I've changed so much... I find it hard to remember who the real 'Serene' is. I feel like who I am now is someone that has been pieced together... a mozaic combo comprising of my career, my hobbies, my current activities, experiences, my role as a wife, ministry... aren't all these things what makes a person who he or she is? Yet the real heart of a person can get lost in the midst of all these 'things'.

At this very moment I hardly feel anything like that little 'angel'. But it's comforting to know that to the people closest to me, they still see through all the 'stuff' and know that I am still me.

Right now, I'm starting to feel a tingle of homesickness at the corner of my soul. I'm sure you all agree that home is basically where the heart is. But you know, I have pieces of my heart in different places... KK, Perth, Singapore, Sydney (and even to a small degree KL/Subang). And not to mention, I have left pieces of my heart with the different loved ones who are now all over the world... my husband (of course) my parents, my two brothers, my Rose girls, my Nottingham girls... and countless other friends I've made in every place I've called home.

KK will always be my ultimate home... because it's in my blood.

But as you can see, my heart is pretty scattered. So wherever I am and whoever I'm with, I realise that I will always have a little homesick corner somewhere inside me. Because at any one time, I will always be missing a certain place or a certain person.

Confused? It's okay, I confuse myself too sometimes.

Sigh.

Will I ever be whole?

2 comments:

  1. Home is where the heart is at rest, without worry and burden.

    You're at the lifestage of where you are making your home. Perservere and you'll do just fine. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yep. The song did remind us of our attempts to make you be a world-class musician! 'Fur Elise' is one of our favourite pieces. You'll alwys be our angel- no matter how old you are. Those "mixed-up feelings" - read Psalm 1 again

    ReplyDelete

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