Sunday, November 19, 2006

Love ain't easy

The other day I got so mad at hubby. And I told him so.

I will not reveal exactly what his crime was... but I knew there was nothing he could do then at that moment to make me feel better...

I went off to another room to sulk and work off my anger thinking up cruel and evil things I could do to the poor man to exact my revenge.

As some of us do in these moments when we just don't know what else to do... I started complaining to God and telling him how unfair the situation was for me...

Slowly I calmed down, I started to recall some of the things I'd learnt... how I needed to submit to my husband, even if I knew that he had done wrong to me...

My desire to confront hubby and explode with all the hurtful things I could say to him, but I knew deep down inside that such an act would never heal the situation and instead just make it worse.

I admit that the rest of the afternoon, I didn't bounce back immediately, and I did continue to sulk and merajuk a little. But I hope hubby saw my herculean effort NOT to stoop into a mindless argument and held his tongue as well... and he tried his very best to be as sweet as he could.

There was so much I wanted to say to him to tell him how wrong he was. But I had learnt that a man always knows when he is wrong and doesn't need to be told so. I swallowed the iciness in my voice (as best as I could) and simply told him that I had felt really hurt by his actions. Hubby asked if I would forgive him. I said of course I would and that everything would go back to normal again eventually... but not right now.

In the end the ice eventually melted and we're back to normal again.

These are the challenging moments when real love has to break through beyond emotions and beyond self gratification.

I hope I can keep on improving and do better next time.

Q: Does it ever get easier over time?

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